


Who Let the Dogs Out? Or Ken Goes Dogging

by AssyPiff



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 15:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14979998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssyPiff/pseuds/AssyPiff
Summary: The night of the dogging episode. John, Kayleigh, Ken, John's Mum Teresa and Mandy's perspectives.Based on S1 E3....what happened when Kayleigh went on her date with her Oriental gentleman! If she thought dogging was embarrassing she's about to find out something even worse!





	1. Chapter 1

"Whoo! Since when? " Ken is shocked , Kayleigh is mortified, John laughs to himself all the way home. All because of Kayleigh 's innocent mistake.

"Dogging with my dog Misty! "

"So dogging's with a dog? It's not people having sex outside with other people watching?"

" What? Sex? Are you slow John?"

This conversation repeats itself to both John and Kayleigh. John chuckling every time and Kayleigh's level of mortification ever growing.  
Kayleigh finds herself telling Ken why John is laughing so uproarously. Ken is also mortified.

" I didn't know! " Ken wails "I hope you'll still want to go DOG WALKING with me, Kayleigh." 

" Of course, Ken, we'll just be careful what we call it eh? I don't want a repeat of today! All John has done is laugh every time he's seen me and woofed once I've gone past! "

"You seem to be getting on with John very well, Kayleigh, " Ken observes.

"Yes we have a right laugh me and John" Kayleigh says with a chuckle and a slight blush.

Ken smiled to himself, if he's not much mistaken Kayleigh is falling for John but has no idea. He's reminded of when he met his wife, they shared the same sense of humour and were always making each other laugh. Ken hoped that Kayleigh would find a good man and hopes John will be it for her such was the very favourable first impression John has made in Ken.

John is still chuckling to himself when he takes his mum to Zumba.

"What's so funny John? " 

Teresa, John's Mum, hadn't seen him so happy in a long time and was curious to know what or who had made him laugh so much. John tells Teresa about his new car share buddy Kayleigh and her misunderstanding of the term dogging, and of meeting her neighbour Ken. John's Mum is secretly very pleased. She senses from the way John is speaking about Kayleigh that she is "the one". John has no clue of course.

Teresa thinks it's sweet that Kayleigh is naive about the term and thinks she is a good girl suitable for her John. Knowing that John's Dad would like her too even though Kayleigh hasn't been introduced yet. She doesn't want to start counting her chickens as she knows what John's like. She wishes that his Dad was still around for John to talk to as she has a feeling that he will need to talk about his feelings soon. 

John meanwhile has realised he was becoming fond of Kayleigh and is already enjoying her company. She is unconsciously very funny but she is also kind and empathetic. She was genuinely sad at the death of Old Ted and held his hand when he was telling her about his dad. John didn't often share his feelings but found himself telling Kayleigh more than he ever had confided in anyone else, especially a work colleague, before.

After Kayleigh had left Ken to go in for his supper, already mortified about Piss-Gate, she became more and more embarrassed as she remembers her terrible error and realises that John is more of a "man of the world" than she thought. "He must think I'm a right silly cow!" Kayleigh mutters to herself.

"I'd better find out what was so funny" Kayleigh muses and looks up dogging on line and finds a list of popular dogging spots in Greater Manchester. She had always wondered why there are cars in park car parks when no there are signs of anyone walking dogs. Now she knows! No wonder John was so shocked when she said she went dogging with her 80 year old neighbour!

"God will I ever live this down?" she thinks. However she knows John wouldn't embarrass her in front of anyone else at work. ..it would just be their joke.

As she's educating herself about the joys of dogging, Kayleigh's sister Mandy calls..

"You'll never guess what I did today Mandy!"

" Now what have you done?" Mandy knew full well of Kayleigh's propensity for getting herself into scrapes.

"I only went and told John that I went dogging!" 

" What? "Mandy gasps "You never bloody did?! Who's this John? " Mandy is having difficulty breathing she is laughing so much.

"John is my new car share buddy at work. He thinks it's bloody hilarious too! I am never going to live this down Our Mandy! He has been in hysterics all day and thinks it's funny to woof! I am mortified Mandy! What with Piss-Gate last week I'm surprised he'll have me in the car!"

"Piss-Gate?"

"Oh I managed to throw my urine sample all over him on our first car share together!"

"Well Our Kid, if he hasn't asked for another buddy by now he sounds alright to me. He saw the funny side of both of your little mishaps didn't he? "

"Yes he did Mandy but what must be think of me? "

"A piss-throwing-dogger?" 

Mandy is going to make sure she gets regular updates, she thinks things between her sister and this John are going to get good. And she wants a ringside seat!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Kayleigh thought dogging was embarrassing...she wishes she could forget her date with the Oriental fella!

A couple of weeks later Kayleigh has been on line learning conversational Japanese to impress her date. This is the first sniff she's had in a couple of months and she's desperate to make a good impression. She's sifted through plenty of wasters and weirdos, this one seems to have potential! You'd have thought that the £50 joining fee would have weeded out the scrubs but apparently not! She's surprised how easy Japanese is, easy to speak but impossible to read.

Of course it's typical that the day of her date she looks like a cross between Carol Decker and that bloke off Kiss. All because the little impromptu party, she decided they must have to give Kelly a good send off, got way out of control thanks to Kieran and his Cheeky Vimtos! 

Sorting herself out in the Disabled bogs, Kayleigh hopes that she has even half the rapport with this Simon as she does with John. She's still hurting from laughing so hard at Lady Diana, she grimaces to herself as she peers at herself in the mirror. What a nightmare, Freddy Kruger is gazing back at her with only one eyelash! She's grateful for the time she did spend on her hair and beauty course as she's able to repair the damage without too much difficulty.

Heading out to the shop floor she looked much more presentable than when she'd staggered out of her house, much to John's amusement. It was a good job she didn't fancy him, the amount of times she had now made a fool of herself in front of him. 

Her morning dragged as she got more nervous for her date. She practiced her Japanese greeting under her breath several more times before heading out to the Nando's round the corner. She got there exactly on time and surveyed the tables looking for her Oriental gentleman. Nobody of that description was in sight so she finds an empty table and occupies herself with the menu. She's been stood up a few times and really hopes this isn't going to be another one. After a few minutes a wirey, tattooed bloke arrives and looks around. 

"Oh God I'm glad that's not him!" Kayleigh thinks to herself. He is as far from looking Oriental or intelligent as it is possible to get. 

Much to Kayleigh's chagrin, the tattoo'd man saunters up to her table and says in a very un-Japanese accent, " Alright love? You Kayleigh?"

"Oh bloody hell no!" Kayleigh thinks in full on panic mode. But she smiles pleasantly, she was not brought up be rude. "Yes, I'm Kayleigh."

"Hiya love, I'm Jason. You got here a bit before me! Did you get the beers in?"

"No I didn't Jason, I don't drink while I'm at work!" 

The irony is not lost on her that she's saying that whilst she is still nursing the remnants of the hangover from the night before. But the bloody cheek of him! Expecting her to get the drinks in! He was definitely at the top of her Scrubs Top 10 so far! The fervent wish that John would magically appear like the shopkeeper in Mr Benn and get rid of this bloke and have lunch with her instead floated around her brain whilst this Jason took a seat.

"You had far to get here?" Kayleigh politely enquires whilst desperately trying to formulate a plan of escape. 

" No love, I'm on a job round the corner. I'm a roofer on that big office conversion the other side of the retail park. Drive in from Rochdale everyday."

"Oh right!" Kayleigh is struggling to find anything else to ask him about. He is hardly making the conversational effort, he seems more interested in trying to cop a look at her boobs.

"We could meet up after work and go back to your's!" Jason is all but leering at her.

" No we couldn't! My brother is home on leave from the Army! " Kayleigh is properly affronted now and has had enough. "I'm just going to pop to the Ladies, give you a chance to look at the menu."

Kayleigh goes to the Ladies to regroup. This must be the worst one so far! Fortunately there is a large window that opens outwards and if she stands on the paper towel bin she can get through it with not too big a drop in the other side. She manages to scramble through it and lands on the pavement outside at the back of the restaurant. Trying to look as if she was just casually walking past, she nonetheless hurries past Nando's and rather forlornly heads back to the store where she picks up a sandwich and eats it on her own in the breakroom. 

Come home time, Kayleigh's hangover and her aborted date have really taken their toll. All she wants to do is get home and get her head down, preferably without telling John anything about her date. It is too much to hope that John wouldn't ask. Admittedly she does have a tendency to over-share, but bless him he does remember and take an interest in what she tells him about her life. This one instance she wishes he didn't remember. She had made such a big thing about her learning the Japanese that he was hardly likely to forget.

For his part John had found himself wishing that Kayleigh's date hadn't gone well. He didn't examine too deeply why this would be, but he wishes it nevertheless.

As casually as he can manage John asks, " How did your date go? "

"He wasn't even Japanese! Furious! After I'd learnt the language as well!"

Inside John is doing a little happy dance but is trying not to let it show. "Where was he from?"

" Rochdale! "

"Rochdale?"

" His name wasn't even Simon! "

"What made you think is was?"

"He's shortened it to Si!"

" Fair enough, but why the Oriental? "

"Cos his username was Japsi!"

John is properly shocked. He can't quite believe what he's hearing!

"Japsi? Japsi? What did you say? " John is caught between laughing outrageously and groaning. Only Kayleigh could have misunderstood that username to be an Oriental gentleman called Simon. He is absolutely and totally discombobulated. Not for the first time today he feels he's about to crash the car because of Kayleigh.

Kayleigh is looking at him equally befuddled. She has no idea what has caused John to react in such a way. "Racist!" she calls him but doesn't really know why.

John just keeps repeating Japsi expecting her to suddenly understand what it means! He doesn't look as if he wants to explain it however. "I'm going to have to Google it again!" she inwardly moans to herself. 

John wishes Kayleigh would stop with Heartsearchers.com. She really is far too naive to deal with the sharks in those particular waters. He wishes he could protect her from all that. One day she was really going to get herself into trouble.

"I wish you'd be careful on that dating site", John manages when he eventually stops laughing. "What about the pussylover? You thought he just liked cats!"

" They can't all be weirdo's! " Kayleigh declared half-heartedly. In reality they were all weirdo's! Why is that all the good men are either taken or aren't interested in a relationship with her?

After their disagreement about Charlotte Kayleigh had pretended to fall asleep. In reality she is a bit shocked at what John has revealed about himself. Not only had he had been living with Charlotte, they had been engaged. Kayleigh was having to reassess what she thought of him. Bollocks to love was his mantra. Not because he was inexperienced as she had thought but because he had been hurt and thought all women would end up hurting him.

Truth be told she was mortified about pretty much everything that has happened today. John had most certainly seen her at her worst that's for sure! She had been drunk and disheveled whilst managing to forget to put her feet into the car and falling on her arse. She had even managed to trump! God how much more embarrassed could she get? She was about to find out.

Getting home she found Kieran had crashed out. She got changed straight into her onesie and while her tea was in the oven she Googled Japsi. Oh My Effing God! No wonder John had reacted the way he did! Kayleigh had gone very red indeed! She had no idea that that particular part of a man's anatomy even had a name! Let alone was called that! What kind of sick pervert would have that as their username? Kayleigh gets on the phone to Mandy. 

"Alright our kid? How's the hangover?"

" Oh that's ok Mandy, just really tired now. Going to have something to eat and then get my head down. Kieran's already crashed out."

"How did your date go?" Mandy really hopes her sister hasn't met yet another loser.

"Oh My God Mandy!..." Kayleigh spends the next half an hour telling her all about what a terrible and humiliating day she has had culminating in Japsi! Much to Kayleigh's relief Mandy hasn't heard it called that either. She does however find Kayleigh's misunderstanding hilarious.

"And John was laughing so much he nearly crashed the car twice in one day?! Poor John! What are you putting him through?"

"It's not funny Mandy! How can I ever get back in the car with him?" And how does he even know what it means? Well he has been engaged, so he's not as innocent as I first thought. I am though! Mandy what am I going to do?"

Mandy has always known and loved the naive side of her sister and feels now she might listen to some sisterly advice for a change!

"You can give up that online dating for a start! You need to be looking closer to home! This John sounds like a goodun to me! He sounds like he wants to protect you Kayleigh, this is a rare thing, believe me! He also sounds a little bit jealous! Perhaps you have found someone by sitting on your arse after all!"

**Author's Note:**

> All credit due to original writers for the dialogue borrowed in this.


End file.
